Speed Trap
by Hunger4Righteousness
Summary: Who changed that road sign from sixty miles per hour to six? Who else.


_Inspiration for this came from the movie, believe it or not. Ladyspock7 told me there was a scene were you could see a road sign that had been altered from 60 to 6mph. Gee, I replied, I wonder who did that. So I went looking for it. it's not very clear but it's there, and you can find a screen shot of it on my Facebook page._

* * *

Psshhhhht!

"That'll do, Minion." Head and shoulders leaning out of a window suspended in midair, Megamind saw his sidekick grin in reply. "Now we wait!" He rubbed his gloved hands together, murmuring, "Step into my web said the spider to the fly…"

"I believe it's parlor, Sir," his helpful companion corrected as he climbed back into their clandestine transportation.

"Whatever."

"What if she doesn't show up?"

"She will, she will…"

"I mean, she could decide to take a different route. Or maybe she has errands to run. Or-"

"Hey." The green eyes leveled a stare his way. "Don't be a wet sheet."

"Blanket."

"That's what I said." He turned to watch out the window again. "10:30. Every Tuesday. Like clockwork. She'll be here."

Minion made some noncommittal noise as a few motorists sped past.

"Look at this," Megamind gestured toward the traffic. "These are law-abiding citizens? They're not even paying attention. It's amazing the number of people that don't bother to follow the rules of the road."

The fish rubbed at a bit of paint overspray on his arm. "It's not like we do."

"Now really," his boss rejoined, pointing out, "What kind of super villains would we be if we drove around doing the speed limit all the time? Waiting in traffic? Idling the twelve cylinder at stoplights like good little criminals?" He shook his head. "That's just silly."

"Ok, true. But it seems like everybody bends the rules at least a little when it comes to the speed limit. Ms Ritchi does it herself, you know."

"I know," Megamind muttered with a smirk as he resumed keeping an eye out for their tardy mark. "She has quite the record number of speeding tickets, I understand." He chuckled to himself. "What a little rebel."

Minion could tell by the way the smile stayed and one hand stole upwards to prop up the big blue head staring out the window that his friend was about to stray off into daydreams again. "And… I suppose some people would _probably_ know that that speed limit can't be right. I mean-"

"It doesn't matter." Megamind insisted, snapped back to attention from his contemplation of the reporter's driving habits by the insubordinate questioning. "The signs say 6 miles per hour? Then that's what they should be doing."

"Ok." Minion rolled his eyes. His own idea of changing the signs to something a little more believable – say, 45 – had been vetoed. Much simpler to spray out the zero, the boss had insisted.

Becoming impatient Megamind softly griped, "I'll bet Mr. Tighty-Whitey Pants always insists his driver keep to the _exact _speed limit."

Minion thought about Wayne being chauffeured in the Scott's private limo. "Why does he even drive anywhere?"

"I know, right? Why spend hard-earned cash on gas at these prices? _And_ increase your carbon footprint if you don't have to?" Megamind agreed, staring out the window. "How wasteful! How irresponsible! Certainly not very heroic."

Minion thought about their own contributions on that front - the explosions and the destruction and the massive usage of fuels - but chose to hold his tongue. He knew what his friend would say anyway. Bad guys held social consciousness of environmental responsibilities in contempt. And anyway, Megamind was still holding forth on the subject.

"But you know why he does it. All for show. Impress the public. Get the girls," he groused. "Did you ever notice," he turned suddenly to add. "Sometimes it almost seems as though Roxanne doesn't actually _like_ being flown around on the big galoot's arm?"

"Hmmm… maybe." He wasn't about to encourage that kind of hopefulness.

"Where the heck is she anyway?" It was past her usual time. Had something happened? He worried a little that her lead foot, which he had noticed during some of their surveillance tended to take over when she was deep in thought, might actually get her in real trouble some day.

"I don't know. But I just thought of something. People always obey the speed limit when they see a _police car_ nearby, right? So… let's see what happens… now." Pressing a button, Minion revealed the car sitting at the side of the road disguised as one of the city's black and white cruisers.

"You know, we're really doing her a favor. She- Oh! Look at that!"

Finally someone had spotted the sign. And the fake cruiser. Slamming on the brakes, the car skidded around wildly in an attempt to slow down to the preposterous speed as fast as possible. Two drivers following maneuvered around him before seeing the danger as well. A pileup was barely avoided as other vehicles sped past, honking their annoyance, and the car's mischievous occupants could see the incredulous looks of uncertainty on several faces. Megamind hooted his appreciation of the scene.

"That was awesome!" he chortled. "Quick! Turn it off! Let's do it again." He grinned as Minion cloaked the vehicle once more and then pressed his nose to the window, watching as traffic resumed its normal pace.

"What do you mean we're doing her a favor?" Minion couldn't resist asking.

"What? Oh. Well, I mean because she shouldn't be speeding around like she does! And besides that, she's been keeping a very predictable schedule these days. It's not smart. Remember that reporter from California we heard about, stalked by some loony who was obsessed with her?"

Minion opened his mouth and paused before wisely closing it again.

"Roxanne is- Oh! Here comes a truck!" Distracted by greater potential for mischief, he grinned and held a finger over the controls himself, depressing it just as the cab cleared the rise behind them. Once again the unsuspecting driver spotted the cruiser parked at the side of the road next to the altered speed limit sign and hit the brakes.

"Bahahahaha!"

The truck began to jack-knife as the tires locked up, leaving dark skid marks on the road. Cars swerved around it or tried to brake, veering wildly as horns blared. Megamind pressed the button once again and howled with laughter, slapping his knee as the truck driver's startled face slid past them, wide eyes straining for a glimpse of the vehicle he was sure he'd seen. Somehow managing to pull out of the slide, he straightened his rig and drove on with a terrible grinding of gears and a puff of black smoke.

Minion obligingly laughed along, wondering about the reporter's predictable routine now that his boss had mentioned it. She did seem to be making things almost too easy. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe she wanted them to abduct her. No. Now he was starting to sound like his boss. Maybe they at least ought to warn her against making herself a target for, well, people like them.

"This is the most fun we've had in ages! Heheheheh…" Megamind wiped tears away from the corners of his eyes and glanced out the back window. "Oh! Quick! Here she comes!"

Giving a sharp twist to the face of his watch, his blue skin blurred and glowed, transforming into the likeness of a non-descript officer of the law notwithstanding a pair of strikingly green eyes. He hid them behind a pair of aviators with an expectant grin. His sidekick followed suit, groaning aloud at finding that his boss has programmed his device with a somewhat less estimable avatar.

"Aw! Why do I have to be a dog?"

"Alien is to officer as fish is to dog," he answered by way of explanation. Minion gave him a blank look. "You're a K9 unit," Megamind rebuffed his furry companion's complaint. "Sit."

The large canine obeyed in very undoglike manner, sitting on his tail and crossing his front legs with a huff. He swayed suddenly and fell over sideways as the news van sped past, oblivious to the altered signs, and his boss took off after it in hot pursuit, lights flashing.

Roxanne cussed quietly when she noticed the red and blue in her rearview mirror. She glanced at her speedometer with a wince. Not another ticket! She always drove this stretch of highway with her mind elsewhere – and her lead foot forgotten - specifically because it was never well patrolled. She'd just been thinking that Megamind had been sitting quietly in jail long enough that it was about time they got word of a jailbreak.

As she slowed and pulled carefully over to the side of the road, she hoped no one driving by would know it was her. She wasn't going to hear the end of it if a report got back to the office about the KMCP news van that had been pulled over. Again. This was going to be one expensive ticket. Feeling more and more antsy she looked in her side view mirror to see if the man approaching might be any of the officers she knew personally. No such luck. And why was he bringing out a K9 unit?

"Great… great… just great." Nervousness fluttered in her stomach and made her hands break out in sweat. She toyed with the idea of trying to flirt her way out of the situation and as he appeared in her window, she flashed a big smile. He wasn't bad looking.

"Hello, Rrr- uh, good citizen. Would you step out of the vehicle, please?"

She blinked. "Now? I mean, already? Don't you want to see my license and registration first?"

"Oh! Um," the officer fumbled before quickly recovering. "Actually no. Obviously this isn't your personal vehicle and obviously you are Roxanne Ritchi of KMCP news, so…" He scowled, adding tersely, "Just follow the directions. I'll be the one to decide who needs to see what here."

"Oh-kay." Stepping out of the van, she resisted folding her arms and had second thoughts about the idea of flirting.

He stared at her for a moment. "Actually, I would like to see your license."

"But. You-"

"Ah, Ah," the officer chided, holding out his hand expectantly.

Roxanne tried to hide a sigh of exasperation. "All right, it's in the van."

As she turned around and opened the door, leaning inside to retrieve her purse, the officer's canine companion gave a growl that almost sounded like it was clearing its throat. His boss was taking a little too much interest in the reporter's derriere fully on display.

Roxanne glanced back with a frown at hearing the odd noise. She'd been meaning to give the guy a nice view to take his mind off things and maybe soften up his attitude, but she didn't want trouble with the dog. "Here you go. As you can see I really am Roxanne Ritchi and a licensed driver. It's not even expired."

"Expired," the policeman repeated thoughtfully as he looked at the small card as though the concept was new to him. Then he stifled a chuckle. "Wow. That is _not_ a good picture of you."

Roxanne's mouth opened a little in protest. "Well. It's a _driver's license_. You know what the licensing bureau is like. They never wait until you're ready." She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes. Always looking her best was important to any television reporter. "Are you supposed to make comments like that?"

Clearing his throat, the man handed her card back. "You do know why I stopped you, right?"

"No. No, I don't." Mentally cursing, she could see the speedometer in her mind's eye again. She'd just been keeping up with traffic though. Only passed a few people. Maybe there was a taillight out on the van.

"You were significantly over the speed limit."

"I was?" She frowned again. "How's that? Everybody else was going the same speed."

"Now, now. If everyone drove their cars off a bridge, would you do it too?"

Roxanne blinked in consternation. "How much over was I?"

"Fifty-four miles per hour too fast."

"WHAT?"

"The posted speed here is six miles an hour."

The incredulous reporter's mouth opened and closed a couple times as she looked around, trying to find the nearest sign. She squeaked out, "Six? Six miles an hour? What the-? How can that be right? When did they change it?"

"The signs are clearly posted," the officer scolded mildly. "Weren't you paying attention?"

"And _why_? Why would they change it? This is ridiculous." Turning this way and that she asked, "Where are the signs?"

Handing her a small pair of binoculars he conveniently happened to be carrying, he pointed to a road sign up ahead. "Right there."

Grabbing them from him and squinting through the little lenses, Roxanne complained, "Oh, come on! It looks like somebody spray painted through the zero." Lowering the binoculars, her jaw tensed. "Probably Megamind, that idiot... Look, obviously-"

"You're being awfully argumentative, Ms Ritchi." The officer was clearly put out. "I think maybe we'd better continue this downtown."

"What?" she questioned in disbelief, trying to backtrack from seeming belligerent. She tried a light laugh. "Come on… there's no need for that!" She could see it now, the men she knew on the force sniggering about her being brought in. Hell, it would probably make the news! Crap. "I mean, it's just common sense! How could the speed limit here be six miles per hour? This is a major freeway! And you can clearly see the zero has been sprayed," she added, gesturing carelessly in her exasperation with the binoculars still in hand.

The officer held up his palms. "Now, now… be careful how you handle those, or I'll have to consider you armed."

She stared. "Are you serious?" This was just getting worse and worse.

"Ms Ritchi, are you carrying any other weapons on your person?"

"I can't believe this," she muttered. "Do I _look_ like I'm carrying any weapons?" She gestured toward herself with one hand, planting the other on her hip.

The officer looked her up and down, taking in her pencil skirt and blouse flapping gently in the air stirred up by a passing truck before raising an eyebrow and warning, "Don't make me frisk you."

The reporter's eyes popped open as her jaw dropped, and at the same time the dog gave a laughing sort of bark. Cars zoomed past. "Ok. No, I'm definitely not carrying any weapons. And _clearly_ something isn't right here. Wait... wait!" she snapped her fingers. "Are we on camera? Is this a prank? There's a camera hidden somewhere, isn't there?" she half smiled, looking around hopefully. "Did my boss put you up to this?"

"Ms Ritchi, this is no joke." He looked at her severely, hiding his amusement. She was reacting even better than he'd hoped. "And I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to take a breathalyzer test now as well."

The hope of being let off evaporated immediately. Indignant, she eyed the infuriating man who was bent on being as ridiculous as the speed limit. "This- ugh! It's the middle of the day! And I'm… working! Or I _would_ be. Do you realize how late I'm going to be? I haven't been drinking! Although… I'm telling ya," she huffed. "I might need one after this!" She was doomed to at least a ticket now. It wasn't fair! She was a busy person with a lot on her mind. Not like she was a reckless driver or anything. She pointed at the rest of the traffic buzzing along beside them, heedless of the converted signs. "And what about all these people?"

"What about them? None of them appear to be speeding." Ready to wrap up his chicanery, he dropped all pretense of making sense of the situation. He took off his glasses, smiling as Roxanne noticed his eyes and frowned slightly. The police dog at his side sat down and barked, wagging his feathery tail over the ground. He almost appeared to be smiling as well.

"Go back and get the 'breathalyzer', would you?" the emerald-eyed officer requested, making finger quotes in the air.

Roxanne watched the dog turn and go back to the car. For a moment she seriously wondered if she was dreaming. "Ok, that's it. I'll take your stupid breathalyzer test, and then I want to see the radar readout. And I'm totally protesting this ticket!"

The policeman gave a smug grin. "Right this way…"

"And I want to talk to your… superior officer!" she demanded as they walked back to the cruiser. "Or whatever you call it!" Completely flustered, she couldn't think of the right words.

The man chuckled as they reached the car, and the dog put a device in his hand. "Of course, my dear. Right after you oblige me… with this." He turned and quickly put the little machine to her face, and she remembered no more.

* * *

Watching Minion check the rope around her ankles, Roxanne explained, "I pretty much had it figured out by the time you told the dog to go get the _breathalyzer_." She gave Megamind a look.

"Uh huh. Sure you did. That's why you went ahead and walked back to the car with me." Her captor stood overlooking his sidekick's work with folded arms, obviously proud of himself. "You didn't recognize the eyes? My spectacular green eyes?"

She tipped her head to one side. "Spectacular? Please. You know how many people I've seen around with those same color eyes?"

She waited for some sharp rejoinder, but he looked at her silently with a slow grin before biting his lower lip. Her shoulders drooped. "They were all you, weren't they?"

Hearing his chuckle, she sighed, a little unsettled by the realization of how much he must watch her. Even interact with her? Damn it, she'd be checking everybody's eyes now! _He's ahead of me at this game. And here I was thinking how amazing it was to run into that many people with green eyes._ She shook her head.

"Probably not _all_ of them," he said with a little shrug and a smile.

Why did it make her want to laugh when he was being so infuriating? The muscles around her mouth tightened threatening to pull her lips into a smile, but she fought it, pressing them together and looking away a moment before conceding, "At least it was a new way to make the grab."

"We thought you might appreciate the shake up." He bowed as though she had applauded outright. "It was mostly Minion's idea."

Roxanne forgot to not look amused as the ichthyoid made a simpering curtsey. Once he turned back to the panel of buttons and dials and resumed preparing for their regularly scheduled program of mayhem, she composed her face again.

"Now… I do have an issue to bring up with you."

Megamind grabbed the back of her chair behind her shoulders and leaned over her. She looked up at him calmly, familiar with this tactic as well. The invasion of her personal space was meant to intimidate. Whatever. She examined his face, taking in details and trying to ignore the realization that things were getting far too comfortable between them by wondering how he managed to disguise himself so completely.

"Oh really?"

"Yes," he said, beginning to tip her chair backward until he held it balanced on two legs. "Your driving record."

"My… What about it?" she demanded, trying not to catch her breath aloud as he kept making little adjustments to the chair, unbalancing it, causing her stomach muscles to tighten instinctively. Every time he moved it back, she had to sit forward. And that drew her face closer to his. He smiled.

"You're quite the little speed demon."

The low words rumbled in his throat. Ignoring a tingle that spread uncomfortably along her limbs, she murmured, "Yeah, so?"

"You have a number of tickets already, Ms Ritchi." He tipped the chair back a little more. "You're even starting to get a _reputation_."

She leaned back, testing him - he wouldn't let her fall - but immediately felt the chair began to go over backward. Her abdominal muscles contracted again, and he smirked with a flick of one eyebrow upward, catching her.

"And why would you care how fast I drive?" Her eyes traveled over his face that was even nearer now, searching for something disagreeable to latch onto, bouncing off his goatee and settling on his eyes, watching her. Her own narrowed, holding his gaze gamely. "You lawbreaker, you."

"Oh, I don't mind if you break the law. Be my guest. But… speed kills," he answered, leaning the chair back once more with a quick tip and enjoying her reaction, watching her lips part suddenly. "And we wouldn't want anything to happen to our favorite victim."

One last sharp push finally made her gasp and lurch forward until their faces almost met. He grinned and set the chair down on all four legs with a thump, moving around behind it as a brainbot flew up to train a camera on them and Minion turned and gave the thumbs up sign.

"I_ need you._" The whisper was so close to her ear she wasn't sure if it was a brush of lips or his hot breath rushing along the folds and then deep inside that sent a heavy jolt down her spine. "So. Please... drive... slower…" he finished in a husky request that left her slack-jawed just as Wayne appeared on a screen to her right. "Ah, Metro Man! Look who we have here…"


End file.
